Can we simply agree on one point? You just don’t hear what you should understand. You listened to the words perhaps one hundred times. But they don’t mean anything to you. You don’t hear, therefore you don’t understand.

This is my motto. Or is it my dilemma? I’m two times the person I should be. I’m twice as much as a normal human being. Whatever normal is supposed to mean. Does that count as schizophrenia?

Let me explain: Normal human beings are triggered by advertisements. Shiny, gloomy, happy world storys. This product will help you feeling happy. As if happy was the ultimate goal of life.

Assuming I’m getting the product and it makes me happy. Whatever happy is supposed to mean; normal, I guess. What comes next? Is life over becaue I’ve achieved the ultimate goal in becoming happy and therefore normal?

If I’m not happy then am I not normal?

Why is getting / being / staying happy the ultimate goal? If I’m happy I shouldn’t change this condition of a shiny, gloomy world around me. Nothing changes anymore; everything is a pink cloud on top of all the grey clouds that rained on me in my previous condition of being not happy.

The question is: Was getting / being / staying happy my ultimate goal in life?

Another question: Would I be a writer if I was happy?

I always want something else than the advertisement suggests. No bubble works for me. Nothing carefully prepared for me turns me on. I’m constantly on the search for something different.

Because something different is what makes me happy.

For a tiny little moment; and then something different is something different no more.

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        © Dominik Alexander / 2023